dish and discussion of the latest news and events from the U.S. political scene
New Stock Market Terms
20Feb2009 Filed under: Economy Author: grlpatriotSomeone emailed me this new handy stock market terminology list today. I think it about sums it up. Here’s to better days ahead.
| CEO | Chief Embezzlement Officer |
| CFO | Corporate Fraud Officer |
| BULL MARKET | A random market movement causing an investor to mistake him or herself for a financial genius. |
| BEAR MARKET | A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. |
| VALUE INVESTING | The art of buying low and selling lower. |
| P/E RATIO | The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. |
| BROKER | What my broker has made me. |
| STANDARD & POOR | Your life in a nutshell. |
| STOCK ANALYST | Idiot who just downgraded your stock. |
| STOCK SPLIT | When your ex and their lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. |
| FINANCIAL PLANNER | A guy whose phone has been disconnected. |
| MARKET CORRECTION | The day after you buy stocks. |
| CASH FLOW | The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. |
| YAHOO | What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. |
| WINDOWS | What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. |
| INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR | Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse. |
| PROFIT | An archaic word no longer in use. |
2 Responses to “New Stock Market Terms”
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Kristi
March 3rd, 2009 at 8:05 PM
Although this is funny, it’s kind of sad that being a CEO no longer holds the prestige and respect it once did. There are millions of CEO’s out there that are hardworking, caring men and women that care about their companies. It’s unfortunate that the publicity of people like Bernie Madoff have tarnished this image.
grlpatriot
March 4th, 2009 at 7:35 AM
Good points, Kristi. There are many good and honorable CEOs that run their companies with integrity, making decisions every day to take care of their employees while still making a profit. It’s the CEO’s that act with only the board and shareholders in mind that have lost sight of their morals, their employees, and their responsibilities to the community as a whole.
Ultimately, there are many players that shoulder the blame for the economic crisis we find ourselves in — from the CEO’s and lenders, to home buyers who couldn’t afford their lifestyle or provided false info on mortgage applications; to Big Three automakers reluctant to embrace higher fuel efficiency and green technology, to consumers reluctant (or unable) to buy greener cars (which creates a market for them); to our politicians more concerned with helping their friends than serving their constituents. As a nation, we need to get our priorities straight — greed is NOT good, but motivation, personal/community responsibility, integrity, creativity, and compassion are. We most realize that we are the companies we run and work for, and if we follow these priorities, we will not only profit, but we will live in a sustainable way that creates balance for everyone.